so i was looking through some of my medical records today from when i was first diagnosed, realizing how many more records i need to get (bleh!), when i saw something that *totally* did not vibe with, um, well, reality.
i’ve been filling out my state disability paperwork to get it sent in … taking wayyyy longer than i thought it would — i’m trying to be detailed even though my caseworker said she sees no reason why i’d be denied and should know in probably two months. she told me that people way healthier than me are approved all the time and based on the blue book stuff and everything (which i’m not supposed to know about, or so she says), they really can’t deny me.
(she better not have jinxed me by saying that, now that i think about it…. lol)
but see, now i find that he added something to my chart when we first met that, i suppose could only help me as far as disability, but the thing is — it’s not the freaking truth!!!
there’s this checklist part about what symptoms you have and, even though i was 109 lbs when at the time (and he was just recently only wanting me to be at least 100 lbs…), he checked the gd box for anorexia!
yeah, i’ll admit, i’ve never eaten much, but my whole family is that way. we eat ’til we’re full and that’s it. none of us like to feel full b/c it’s a horrible feeling (and not a one of us is … or was, i should say–til me … underweight or sick…it’s just our metabolism). and even now, eating a ton, i cannot stand the feeling of having eaten too much. (yet i still eat b/c the dang medicine makes me soooo hungry even if i’ve just eaten.)
anyway, so then i look a bit closer and i see he’s left some boxes blank and put Ns by some others. well, the *anorexia* box actually has a Y in it, not a check like the form says to do. but then next to it, there’s also an N — maybe with a line through it, maybe not.
now i’m just confused as hell and i’m really freaking glad i have an appointment for my disability physical on monday because i’m sure as hell gonna ask him wtf it all means.
i’ve never had a problem with my body image until recently, and that’s only because everyone was telling me i looked sick. and when you have an invisible illness, always hearing, ‘but you don’t look sick,’ well – hearing you actually look sick makes something ‘snap to’ in your brain (i was going to say click but it was just too rhyme-y sounding with sick….i think odd things sometimes. anyway…).
and then i realized i did look pretty bad in pictures and when my bones started poking into my skin and hurting me, i *really* realized i needed to gain weight. plus, i was already sick for months because of a flare from going back to work — a v.physically demanding job, at that — i realized that if i got the flu or anything, i could be in some serious trouble.
my rheumy and i had put off me taking this medicine for a couple months, but finally he gave in and so did i. because Nothing else was working. i couldn’t gain weight for the life of me … in fact, i just kept losing even though i was eating.
but the point is — why the FRACK would have have put anorexia down on my chart? it’s been bugging me all freaking day. i’ve had to wait to write about it so i wouldn’t just go off on a crazy rant…
on the upside, he gave me a new medicine for pain b/c mine just weren’t working.
although, he did something else that didn’t make me thrilled. he tried to up my ultram, and i had to remind him that he had just decreased it b/c of a potential interaction with the vyvanse.
um, should the patient have to tell the dr these things?! i’m thinking….no.
so he switched my prescription nsaid to something else, which, from what i’ve read, works wonders. some people who need knee replacements and all says it takes the edge off better than even any of the the heavy narcotics. i just took it about an hour ago and i’ve been typing and my fingers aren’t hurting like they were. my knees don’t seem to be as bad, but that could all be wishful thinking. who knows?
we’ll see after a couple weeks of taking it … since that’s what everything online said — ‘for full efficacy’ blahblah..
all right. i think that’s enough of my rant for the day. i have to attempt at least one more long ass question on this form so i don’t have as much to do tomorrow and can just be done and send it out monday.